Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Observations on Siblings

For most of my life, I wanted a sister. I have a little brother, but our relationship is more special than most, due to his Down Syndrome. I love him dearly and am so proud of what he has accomplished so far in his life-- but the relationship is very different that what typical siblings experience.

So I was excited to have the kidlets experience siblinghood in all its glory. It's only been 9 months, but already I am delighted by what I see.

Jake told me that Phoebe is his princess and he is the prince. That means "I will rescue her and save her and will marry her." On the flip side, he told me he had a dream that Phoebe was still inside me but when she came out she was big and knew how to play with his toys "the right way".

Phoebe simply adores her big brother. She can crawl and is mobile, which means she can get to him. She'll crawl up to him and put her hands on his shoulder (or whatever she can reach) and look lovingly at him until he acknowledges her. And he usually does so in a loving way... then she proceeds to tear down whatever it is he's doing. Resulting in howls. Leading to the previous comment.

But Jake still wants her to play with us. He always includes her in Candyland (until she pushes the pieces off the board) and wants her to build with him. The other day he was putting away his toys (amazingly) and she was pulling the toys out of the box as quickly as he put them in. And she was doing it on purpose! Looking at him and laughing!

I think what strikes me most about their relationship is the love. He hugs her, she hugs him... she even seems to be saying his name! I hope this love continues for all time. I know they will not like each other sometimes, they may even say they hate each other. I've read the books, I'm not naive.

If I have just one wish for their relationship, it's that they will be secure in the love that surrounds them and they will spread that love to the world around them.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Winter blahs

Boy I hate winter. Especially January, followed closely by February. Nasty, brutish and short, to borrow liberally from Thomas Hobbs. I always feel like there's NOTHING to look forward to, that I'm stuck in some sort of stasis where all I do is get fat. Seriously, it's like this every year.

DH wants to go on vacation, which would be great except for the fact that then I'd have to move. And pack. Then unpack, and frankly, it just seems like too much trouble. Sad, huh?

The kidlets and I have a day off together, tomorrow. And I have NO IDEA what to do. Museum? Sure, along with every other kid in the state. Playdate? Then I have to make calls. Bleah.

In happier news, Jake started soccer! Indoor, and our babysitter takes him because the only league happens Saturday mornings when I'm at work. I'm glad he's getting some time to blow off steam! He also starts basketball Monday night, so that will be cool too. Work off that excess energy...

If only I could figure out how to transfer HIS energy to ME.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Making Myself Over for 2009

Oh how I long to be different.

I look at myself in the mirror, seeing a body that is lumpy...fat...ugly. Eyes with bags under them. Hair that's got just a bit too much gray. Clothing that is bland.

I want to look like someone else. I want to be that slim chick who was full of energy and confidence. Not a close to middle aged mom who just wants to get through the day... the week... the month.

I want to be the person I thought I would be. Fabulous job, fabulous body. Fabulous clothes. Well-behaved and perfectly coiffed children at my side as we dash around doing interesting and important things that boost brainpower and save the planet.

So where did this vision come from? I hate to say it. Damn. It came from the media. Argh! I don't want to blame my profession for my failings. But I see images of women who clearly have it all together, with an army of nannies and personal trainers to help them. Oh yeah--that's right. I don't have any of that.

So how do I make myself over in 2009? Maybe I need to start from the inside. I guess I really ought to see the woman in the mirror as a miracle worker who created and carried and bore 2 living human beings who will grow up as people in their own rights. Eyes that remain bright, if sunken, with spirit and fun--always willing to look "one more time" at the crazy antics of a 4 year old, and to regard with love the smile of an 8 month old. Hair that is still chestnut, and see the streaks as lines of precious metal that detail the challenges faced and overcome. And clothing, well pfft. Since when do I care about fashion?

I need to make over that internal critic who berates me about what I should be instead of celebrating who I am. Who compares me to an impossible ideal instead of realizing all the great qualities I already possess.

So in 2009 I will be different. I resolve to be happy with who I am.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

How the Chinese Won the War

3 words.
Adult Assembly Required.
That's it-- we have lost it all because all of our life, our time, our holiday is spent attempting to assemble STUFF.

Oh, and Transformers too. Which are SUPPOSED to be kid friendly for assembly, but because the parts "conveniently" detach, become a complete nightmare because all those damn doors and wheels and weapons look alike and who can tell which is Prowl, which is Starscream and which is Bumblebee? OK, the Autobots are brightly colored, so I have a shot there. But the Decepticons are all dark!!! ARGH!

Is it bad to just throw out the whole box of random parts?