2 years as what I consider to be "the mom I want to be"...the kidlets and I spent Memorial Day pretty much at the pool. We have sunburn and more chlorine than I thought possible, but we are having fun!

It's amazing to me that I can let Jake go at the pool. He has friends, he can swim like a fish and he doesn't need me to watch his every step. This is an amazing step forward in my life as a mother. Of course, Phoebe still NEEDS me (as she reminds me constantly), but even she has friends and can be in the baby pool without me being 6 inches from her. I can chat or even (heaven help me) read an article!

The growing up process is so amazing for me. Maybe because I didn't grow up yet? I still feel young. Is it because I have young kids and am teaching college students? Am I just a young-thinking person?

Don't get me wrong--I'm old. Sometimes I feel it. Most times, I don't. This week I'm attending a faculty workshop to make myself better at using technology in the classroom to keep on top of what I do... and what I want to do.

This IS my mid-life "crisis". Making changes in my life... mom, professor. Happy.

Bike Whiz!

Thank the good Lord that Jake inherited Daddy's agility genes. Last Saturday, we took the training wheels off his bike. On Sunday he was riding through the woods,and we ordered a new bike because the one he had was too small. Every night this week he has ridden his bike--yesterday the new one arrived.
Jake and Daddy went to a local bike trail--and spent half an hour biking and even going to visit a friend!
The kid rides better than I do. *sigh* Phoebe is a madwoman on her tricycle--and when we paint Jake's bike pink--watch out! I have a feeling she will take to it too.

So it will just be Mommy falling behind.

Winter, Fun and...age

Not much snow this year so far--so when it finally snowed this weekend you KNOW the kidlets wanted to get out into it. And because I can't sit inside and see all the places they can go--out I went with them.
I can remember loving winter...tromping for hours in the snow, sledding and playing. Finally coming in to a nice fire and hot chocolate. Then I remembered that my mom made all that happen! So now that I'm the mom? Yeah, not as much fun to come in from the cold and do all that.
Today we played ice giants attack in the playset. I clambered up into it to hide from the rampaging giants... this after an hour of sledding, walking the dog and generally being outside. So once the ice giants had been vanquished a few times, I (and my cold behind) really wanted to go inside. After a great deal of whining (on my part) I convinced them to come in and warm up.

I'm so happy that we played together, and that their imaginations were so fired up! As I sit here and my cold bones defrost, though, I wish I was MORE fun. Could stay outside longer. Had more energy.

Age.

Ages and Stages

Jake is 7. Phoebe is 3-and-a-half. How did this happen? Well, yes, I know how it happens...time passes.

First slowly...oh so slowly in those first months of life. Would I ever get enough sleep? Would my body ever be fully mine again? Would my child stay alive if I did not personally attend every breath in his/her body?

Then a bit faster...back to work, rushing to get first one then the second to daycare, to work, home and fed and to bed. How did it go so fast?

Faster yet...walking and talking. Potty training, regular food, goodbye to the crib once and then twice.

Hey, where did the school bus come from? How did it turn my baby into a school-age child? And now the second one wants to get on the bus, go to school, begin her life.

And here I am...pausing briefly to look back as I still plunge headlong into the future. I can sit in another room as they play with each other, converse with each other, share inside jokes, love and some punches.

They grow up, and I grow older. In this moment I am looking ahead to our future. Where will we be 7 years from now? What adventures will they undertake--adventures that will take them ever farther from me? I know I will never again be as necessary to them as I have been. But I still hope and pray they will need me.As much as I need them. As much as I now realize I still need my mommy.

Swim Season 2011

My super swimmer Jake is going to be joined soon by sister swimmer Phoebe. A few days ago she decided she wanted to swim. Get her face wet, the whole works. A week ago if she got splashed, I think her screams of outrage could be heard in Timbuktu. But suddenly, she wants to swim. So she will.

She potty-trained much the same way. Decided one day to wear panties and hasn't looked back. So I have a strong-minded girl on my hands. Lucky me?

Jake had a great season as well. Mostly firsts and seconds in freestyle and backstroke. Time trials are this week, then maybe championships. So when did I turn into a swim mom? I am feeling very suburban. I'm not sure if I mean that in a good or bad way... I wasn't expecting this in my life for sure!

Jake starts first grade this fall, and I wonder where the time goes. In 2 years, Phoebe will go to kindergarten. My mind is being blown on a daily basis with their intelligence, awareness and general sense of what is funny. In the car the other day Phoebe was singing her own mash-up...Fight for your Right to Party and Dynamite. I don't know how she connected the Beastie Boys and Justin Bieber, but she did. An unholy alliance for sure!

Summer and swimming

I think I may have created a swimmer! Jake is in his second year on the Persimmon Creek Swim Team. And he's kicking butt and taking names in the 6 and under group! I may be just a wee bit too proud...but he's just doing so well. Firsts and seconds in the meets with his freestyle and backstroke. His intensity when he's swimming is amazing. It's so cool to have produced an athlete--given how non-athletic his parents are!
He has other talents--his reading and writing skills are in good shape--he's ready for first grade. We have to get him glasses, but that's OK.

Phoebe is just as wonderful--can't leave her too long without praise. Although she won't put her head in the water, she scoots around in her swim ring like a water baby. It's really wonderful! She's smart as a whip, and dare I say more advanced than Jake was at her age? I think his influence has helped her. She gets herself dressed and can figure out how to buckle and unbuckle her baby seat. Perhaps TOO smart sometimes...

Welcome back!

Goodness--it's been a year and a half since I blogged here. In the meantime, I changed jobs, the house STILL isn't done and the kidlets...well the kidlets have gotten older, cuter, smarter and BETTER.

It's been amazing, this ride. And the best part is that it's nowhere near over! So let's see--I left TV, but not really. Now I'm a college professor teaching broadcasting and journalism! I'm also the higher education blogger at RTDNA--where I used to be the PA state coordinator.

Jake is 6-and-a-half, Phoebe just turned 3. Three! Years! Old! My babies aren't, as evidenced by the insistence that I throw out the baby potty seat, the baby sippy cups...anything baby. But not the stroller.

Jake just finished kindergarten at West Park. Going to first grade in the fall. WOW. Phoebe is proud to be a preschooler (as she tells everyone she meets) but also yearning to ride the bus with Jake and go to "big" school.

Motherhood is turning out a LOT better than I thought.

I did it

2009 certainly turned out to be a year of change.

I am taking (possibly) the biggest step of my professional life. I'm quitting my job. The job I've held for 14 years (minus 2 maternity leaves), the job I dreamed of having, the job I never had any intention of leaving.

Did it change? Did I change? A bit of both, I think. For decades, I have been ruggedly proud of my career. Of doing whatever it takes to get the story on. Of working odd hours, weird times--all for the sake of TV JOURNALISM.

But that's all changed. The kidlets, most certainly, have made me realize what really is important (without sounding like a cliche). Also, though, the business changed. It became a business, for real. No more "Just go". Instead, how do we cover the story with no crews?

So I'm making the change. Moving into academia. I've done TV for almost 25 years, I can teach it now. Starting out as an adjunct. Already, though, I am more excited about the possibilities than I have been about TV in awhile. I always liked school--liked the exchange of ideas and the chance just to learn something new.

Oh, I know that no job is perfect and I'm sure I will miss the hustle and bustle of the newsroom--and breaking news. But I think, I know this is the right move for me and the right time to make it.

God help me.

Construction begins!!

I am so excited--I can barely contain myself! There is a GIANT hole next to my house, and soon it will contain our new addition. A very nice 4000 square feet of SPACE. For THINGS. And CLOSETS. And STORAGE.
Space for my babies to grow. Space for my books to live. Space for my clothes not to be crammed together. Space for me to go and be alone when I need to be. The latter being (almost) the most important of all...

Happy Fall!

I have so much to say, so why can't I get it posted? beats me. I guess I'm having my life, not writing about it. Which is OK, but I don't want to forget so much.
Jake turns 5 on Thursday. Yes, 5. He's halfway through his first decade. Holy crap. It's amazing... unbelievable... awesome. All wrapped up together! This past Friday, he was sick and I kept him home. He asked if we "could just have a special day together"... it was so wonderful! We went to the zoo, the mall and Griendly's. My big boy, full of wonder!

Phoebe is also an amazingly wonderful girl. She's getting more and more words, and has such a sparkly personality! Right now, bubble is her favorite word. She also yells "DOWN" when she sees Regen... and she loves to grab my hand and drag me to wherever she wants me to be.

I am such a lucky mom!

Growing up...too fast?

The kidlets are maturing at an amazing rate, and it's both scary and wonderful to see. The sibling relationship is developing and I have high hopes for success.

Jake played so nicely with Phoebe on Saturday! When she woke up from her nap she was a bit cranky. He started blowing raspberries on her tummy, making her giggle--a sound I just can't get enough of! She looks at him with such happiness and love, and he loves to make her happy too. Later Jake and I were playing tag on the bed and Phoebe wanted to get up and play too. Jake folded her right into our game and we all laughed and rolled on the bed and had just a great time! At the playground, Jake got onto the tire swing. Of course, Phoebe wanted to be on it too--Jake said "put her on the other side Mommy!" I sat her down and Jake put his legs on either side of her, then leaned over and put his hands over hers on the chain so she wouldn't fall off. I swung them around and both just laughed and laughed. Truly a golden moment I will savor forever in my mind...

Phoebe is quite the big girl now, walking everywhere and she's developing a devilish grin that just melts me... When we go to the pool Jake has to carry his toys inside, especially his swim ring. Saturday, Jake grabbed his ring and before I could grab Phoebe's, she had picked it up and was toddling towards the pool! She was so proud of herself for carrying her toy, and I was so proud of her too! Honestly the cutest thing you ever want to see... then as we were leaving I was carrying stuff to the car, and I looked behind me and she was right there with the biggest smile on her face--so proud to be following Mommy.

Each day, my heart seems to grow fuller and fuller. Watching them, playing with them, hugging and kissing them... my babies are my heart, my joy and my soul. Thank you God for giving them to me!

Saturday with the Kidlets

Saturdays in our household tend towards the chaotic. I get home from work around noon, make lunch, and try to keep two active kidlets occupied. This week, Daddy had a run-in with poison ivy and was on the couch with his eye swollen shut.

I headed out with Jake and Phoebe so Daddy could rest a little bit. First stop--drop off teenage babysitter. Second stop--head to Costco to pick up cake for colleague's retirement party. Third stop--the dollar store!

First stop went well. Second stop, we got the cake and a watermelon--no problem. Then of course we needed some lunch. OK, 1 adult, 2 kids. Shouldn't a large slice of pizza, a hot dog, a soda, a yogurt cup and a berry sundae be, well, ENOUGH? Not with these kids!

Jake ate the hot dog, Mommy got 1 bite. Jake ate some pizza. Phoebe ate pizza. Mommy got 4 bites. Jake ate yogurt, sharing with Phoebe. Mommy attempted to eat berry sundae, but Phoebe yelled every time I tried to get some in my mouth.

Then as we leave Costco--the skies OPENED up. From the door to the parking lot, I got drenched. Soaked. Kids were yelling about being wet. I packed them into the car, and jumped in myself, feeling like a wet dog. But as we headed towards home, the rain stopped. So we went to the third stop--dollar store! I didn't find what I needed, but kidlets did. As we walked out of the store--the sky was turning BLACK. As in I was a bit concerned about our safety! We raced home as the thunder started and made it inside before part 2 of sky-opening.

The rest of the afternoon was spent inside with a monsoon pouring down. And 2 kidlets who REALLY wanted to go outside. Finally we walked the dog around 6:30, then dinner and bed.

And hey! get to do it all again today.

Blessings

So I just keep getting more bad news. But I don't want to focus on that because bad begets bad. Instead, I am resolving to focus on my blessings.

Jake and Phoebe are the number one, simultaneous, wonderful and perfect blessings in my life. I am so fortunate to have them and THAT is what I need to remember. Their joy, their love, their happiness need to be paramount in my brain. Not the b.s. of my job--which exists so I can support them.

My husband Steve is also a blessing. Despite my frustration, he truly is a good father, companion and friend. There really isn't anyone else I want to spend the rest of my life with!

My good heart is a blessing. Even with all that has happened, I am still resolute in my belief that people are basically good. The world has been trying to prove me wrong, but I refuse to go along with it.

My good health is a blessing. Years of sleep abuse notwithstanding--my body continues to function well and keep me happy. I keep promising it that I will be nicer and finally get enough sleep, but until then the ol' body is performing well.

My parents and brother are blessings. They love me, support me and have full confidence in my abilities to do anything I set my mind to.

My friends are blessings to me. They have shoulders to lean on, ears to listen and arms to hold in good times and bad.

All in all, life is a blessing and God has blessed me with so much. I have to keep these thoughts firmly in my mind and not fall victim to self-pity or other destructive tendencies.

Hooray for Summer!

I cannot believe how excited I am for summer! The pool is open and the fun is beginning. I don't think I have been this excited since I was about 15... that was the last time that I truly looked forward to summer. The last time summer was ahead of me as an almost endless stretch of time, full of warmth and promise and freedom.

After that summer, I was thinking ahead to college and to "real life". Of course once I graduated, summer became just another season. Even when it was just Jake, somehow summer didn't have the thrill that it does now. Last year with a newborn, I was just glad to know if it was day or night. But that changed.

I think yesterday at the pool really brought it home. We visited a friend's pool for a few hours, then went to our community pool. Jake and Phoebe had such fun! And so did I--from the smell of the sunscreen, the hint of chlorine, the bright sunshine, the great splashes, the towels, the pool snacks... it all suddenly came together and helped me recapture the joy I used to have in summer.

The coolest thing is that summer never really went away. It was hanging out and waiting for me to rediscover it in the faces, voices and actions of my 2 water babies!

Time

I like to write. I started a blog because I enjoy putting my thoughts down in some more durable location than... my head. So why aren't I writing more?

Damn, but life gets in the way.

In February I found out about a huge change coming. I thought about it, prepared myself, took deep breaths, etc. And now--the job change has yet to happen. I was supposed to be done with my PhD LAST year. Still not done.

The changes aren't happening. Oh they will, but the suspense is killing me! Honestly. For real (as Jake says). I can't sleep, I'm cranky, I'm frustrated. Anticipation can be a good thing, but in this case it's just making me mad. And when I'm mad, I don't write because I'm mad. A huge circle of illogic that keeps going and going... until I am frankly dizzy and feeling nauseous.

The future generally looks bright and happy to me. Except right now. It's an impenatreble black cloud at the moment, all avenues are hidden and all look bad. Bleah. Go away black cloud of despair! Go away dense fog of sleepiness and exhaustion! Come back shiny happy Lydia that I was not long ago!

A day with the kidlets

I tell you what.
These kidlets are about the most fun I can imagine. In the morning, Phoebe usually wakes up first (before Jake, that is). I pick her up and as soon as she spots Jake in bed she puts her arms out and lunges towards him. I put her down on the bed and, with great glee and laughs, she throws herself on him! Rolls all over him, laughs... it's really one of the funniest things I've seen.

And Jake is cute too--he usually smiles and laughs and tickles her. Or he pulls the blanket over his head and she pulls it off, laughing all the while! It's such a joy to hear happy sounds in the morning.

At daycare dropoff, we usually take Phoebe to her room first. Jake gives her 2 hugs and 2 kisses goodbye--such a good big brother! She waves to us, and we head to Jake's class. Jake gives me 2 hugs and 2 kisses, tells me he loves me, then I'm gone. It's such a fun ritual!

At night it's not as cute, as everyone is tired, but Jake is doing so well playing with Phoebe. She has this loud squawk she emits, and we all come running (to her delight). Then we play with her and she loves it.

Phoebe goes to bed at 8, Jake at 9 so we have some one-on-one time... and the house is at rest.

Until tomorrow!

Who knew?

Who knew children could be such fun? Before the kidlets were born, I had a very hazy concept of parenthood. It seemed like a lot of work, but ultimately rewarding.

What I didn't realize was that the rewards would be so soon and so much fun. I spent yesterday playing elaborate games with Jake while Phoebe attempted to climb all over me, all three of us laughing almost continuously. We raced cars, we built a robot and a racecar and a dump truck (although Jake said mine didn't really look like a dumptruck), we made popcorn and watched The Wizard of Oz.

Jake quizzed me on math problems, mostly addition. (I love that school of his!) Phoebe always has a lot to say to us. She is a girl who WILL BE HEARD. And watching her and Jake interact--now that's joy!

I am so thankful for my babies and all they give me!

Musing on Spring

Spring is taunting me. It knows how much I long for its arrival. How I hate the cold, snow and wind. How my heart leaps at the sight of crocuses peeking out of the chilled earth, a promise of new life, warmth, beauty.

Somehow this spring seems like it will be especially marvelous. Phoebe will turn 1! We've already been outside on a warm day. She in the swing, watching her lunatic brother run fast and fall down, just because he can. Laughing and pointing at the silly canine and equally silly Jake.

Pretty soon I will let her onto the ground to feel the growing grass for herself. To soak in the sunshine, look at flowers, watch birds hop in the garden. How fun it will be! Before I know it, she'll be walking, then running.

And I will have the exquisite joy of seeing my children play together, laugh, run, fall, get up and do it all over. I must remember to cherish the moments and lock the sun and laughter in my heart so I can see them again and again!

Getting Things Done

Why, oh why, is it so hard to get things DONE? Big things and little things. I feel like I spend my life trying to do just one more load of laundry... one more load of dishes... straighten up just one more room... take the dog for just one more walk...

I long for a sense of completion. To be able to cross a task off my list once and for all. To dot the i's, cross the t's and file it away. To not have to think about it anymore, not have it hang over my head like a black cloud that refuses to lift.

I realize that the daily and weekly chores aren't ever going to be done, though, and that both scares and saddens me. To know that I'm going to have to match socks for the rest of my life? AUGH!

But there are some things that can be done. Completed. Finished. Like, my PhD. I'm so sick of thinking about it, revising it, editing it. I just want it to be DONE. At this point, I don't even care if it makes sense, I just want to be done. With luck, though, that day should come soon. Then maybe I can relax.

Gourmet Kidlets

I was a picky child when it came to food (just ask my mother). I didn't eat "junk", but I had my favorite few meals and I stuck to them. Mom would try new stuff, but I would throw a fit, so she was reduced to the same old, same old.

Imagine my surprise that I appear to be raising 2 gourmets. Their daycare does a fantastic job with meals, serving a great variety from different cultures. They have meals like chicken alfredo or baked fish, veggies like asparagus or spinach, fruits like mango. At their age, I had no IDEA those foods even existed.

But the kidlets vacuum it all up. At the grocery store, Jake will actually choose asparagus as his green vegetable. And Phoebe will try anything, multiple times. Her teacher told me that yesterday the kitchen served ground beef, but no spices on it. She apparently kept taking bites, spitting some out, and trying again--in search of some with flavor!

Their Oma makes some delicious dishes, seasoned with spices I find appealing, but I wouldn't necessarily think children would like. THESE kids eat it up and look for more. Last night I fed them her food, then made myself a filet of tilapia, with garlic and lemon juice. Phoebe banged her high chair until I gave her some, which she chowed down.

I am glad they both are gourmets. I just find it terribly funny!