Observations on Siblings

For most of my life, I wanted a sister. I have a little brother, but our relationship is more special than most, due to his Down Syndrome. I love him dearly and am so proud of what he has accomplished so far in his life-- but the relationship is very different that what typical siblings experience.

So I was excited to have the kidlets experience siblinghood in all its glory. It's only been 9 months, but already I am delighted by what I see.

Jake told me that Phoebe is his princess and he is the prince. That means "I will rescue her and save her and will marry her." On the flip side, he told me he had a dream that Phoebe was still inside me but when she came out she was big and knew how to play with his toys "the right way".

Phoebe simply adores her big brother. She can crawl and is mobile, which means she can get to him. She'll crawl up to him and put her hands on his shoulder (or whatever she can reach) and look lovingly at him until he acknowledges her. And he usually does so in a loving way... then she proceeds to tear down whatever it is he's doing. Resulting in howls. Leading to the previous comment.

But Jake still wants her to play with us. He always includes her in Candyland (until she pushes the pieces off the board) and wants her to build with him. The other day he was putting away his toys (amazingly) and she was pulling the toys out of the box as quickly as he put them in. And she was doing it on purpose! Looking at him and laughing!

I think what strikes me most about their relationship is the love. He hugs her, she hugs him... she even seems to be saying his name! I hope this love continues for all time. I know they will not like each other sometimes, they may even say they hate each other. I've read the books, I'm not naive.

If I have just one wish for their relationship, it's that they will be secure in the love that surrounds them and they will spread that love to the world around them.

Winter blahs

Boy I hate winter. Especially January, followed closely by February. Nasty, brutish and short, to borrow liberally from Thomas Hobbs. I always feel like there's NOTHING to look forward to, that I'm stuck in some sort of stasis where all I do is get fat. Seriously, it's like this every year.

DH wants to go on vacation, which would be great except for the fact that then I'd have to move. And pack. Then unpack, and frankly, it just seems like too much trouble. Sad, huh?

The kidlets and I have a day off together, tomorrow. And I have NO IDEA what to do. Museum? Sure, along with every other kid in the state. Playdate? Then I have to make calls. Bleah.

In happier news, Jake started soccer! Indoor, and our babysitter takes him because the only league happens Saturday mornings when I'm at work. I'm glad he's getting some time to blow off steam! He also starts basketball Monday night, so that will be cool too. Work off that excess energy...

If only I could figure out how to transfer HIS energy to ME.

Making Myself Over for 2009

Oh how I long to be different.

I look at myself in the mirror, seeing a body that is lumpy...fat...ugly. Eyes with bags under them. Hair that's got just a bit too much gray. Clothing that is bland.

I want to look like someone else. I want to be that slim chick who was full of energy and confidence. Not a close to middle aged mom who just wants to get through the day... the week... the month.

I want to be the person I thought I would be. Fabulous job, fabulous body. Fabulous clothes. Well-behaved and perfectly coiffed children at my side as we dash around doing interesting and important things that boost brainpower and save the planet.

So where did this vision come from? I hate to say it. Damn. It came from the media. Argh! I don't want to blame my profession for my failings. But I see images of women who clearly have it all together, with an army of nannies and personal trainers to help them. Oh yeah--that's right. I don't have any of that.

So how do I make myself over in 2009? Maybe I need to start from the inside. I guess I really ought to see the woman in the mirror as a miracle worker who created and carried and bore 2 living human beings who will grow up as people in their own rights. Eyes that remain bright, if sunken, with spirit and fun--always willing to look "one more time" at the crazy antics of a 4 year old, and to regard with love the smile of an 8 month old. Hair that is still chestnut, and see the streaks as lines of precious metal that detail the challenges faced and overcome. And clothing, well pfft. Since when do I care about fashion?

I need to make over that internal critic who berates me about what I should be instead of celebrating who I am. Who compares me to an impossible ideal instead of realizing all the great qualities I already possess.

So in 2009 I will be different. I resolve to be happy with who I am.

How the Chinese Won the War

3 words.
Adult Assembly Required.
That's it-- we have lost it all because all of our life, our time, our holiday is spent attempting to assemble STUFF.

Oh, and Transformers too. Which are SUPPOSED to be kid friendly for assembly, but because the parts "conveniently" detach, become a complete nightmare because all those damn doors and wheels and weapons look alike and who can tell which is Prowl, which is Starscream and which is Bumblebee? OK, the Autobots are brightly colored, so I have a shot there. But the Decepticons are all dark!!! ARGH!

Is it bad to just throw out the whole box of random parts?

Paradigm Shift

Now I know I'm an "old" mom. Having children at the age of 40 means I am farther from their age than other moms I know.

And I know times have been changing quickly, more quickly than in the span of time when I was the age of my kidlets.

All this leads me to a recent experience with Jake that proves to me that the world is changing quicker than I expect. We were at the local natural history museum, at an exhibit about bats. The museum people brought out a display with live bats. Jake was right in the front, fascinated with the critters. He was one of about 50 kids, plus a double row of parents behind them. As the display wrapped up, Jake ran back to me. "Mommy! Give me the phone!" I had it in my pocket, but I was confused. "Why do you need the phone? Who do you want to call?"

Now here it comes... the paradigm shift....

"Mommy, I don't want to call anyone. I need the phone to take pictures of the bats!"

OK, so while I KNOW my phone has a camera, I think of it primarily as a communication device. This generation I have borne sees phones and communication in a whole new way.

This is the same child who navigates the computer as well as I do, and if I tell him to "right-click" knows exactly what I mean.

But hey, keeping me young, right?

Little Boys and Little Girls

I never thought that children would crack me up so much. I mean holding-my-sides, rip-roaring, tears-flowing LAUGHTER.

Case in point: Jake, Phoebe and I went to visit Jake's friend Exene. They got married a few months ago at school, so we let them see each other on the weekend. We went with the purpose of decorating gingerbread cookies. When we got there, the two of them were so excited to see each other. Jake ripped off his coat and got into the chair. Exene had a little apron on. Jake decorated a cookie for her, and she squealed with excitement. Man, I am in SUCH trouble when he turns 14...

Anyway, they moved on to other games. Exene got a doctor's kit for her birthday, so they decided to play doctor. Jennifer (her mom) and I kept a very watchful eye on the activity, but it was harmless. Then they took Exene's baby doll and "operated" on it. Took out it's heart, injected it with poison... Jennifer and I were horrified, but both kids ASSURED us "it's just pretend." Then Jake told us he was Dr. Evil and Exene was Dr. Evil Girl. First Jake chase Exene, who screamed and flung her hands around, then Exene chased Jake... who screamed and flung his hands around.

That tired them out so they crawled under a blanket onto a futon to go to bed. Much giggling ensued. We only hope we aren't scarring them by allowing this :) Exene told Jake she loved him and Jake asked me about it--he said you only love your family, right? I told him it's OK to love friends too.

As I watched them play together, laugh together, even learn together I was struck by how fast time is moving and how quickly he is maturing. Without prompting, he said thank you when Jennifer gave him some milk. He offered to let Exene play with his Speed Racer car. They agreed to play together at one game, even though they really wanted another game. He made tons of silly faces to make all of us laugh.

My child, my heart--I am continually amazed.

Tired, tired, tired

I am just so tired of being TIRED! You know how you never like to hear people complain about things you can't solve? Well that's my tired. Heck, even I'm tired of complaining about it!

When people say "How are you?" I struggle to come up with a word other than "tired". "Good!" I say brightly, because really, I am good. I have 2 lovely children, a great husband, a good job, my own health... I have many, many blessings.

But dammit. I'm still tired.