I did it

2009 certainly turned out to be a year of change.

I am taking (possibly) the biggest step of my professional life. I'm quitting my job. The job I've held for 14 years (minus 2 maternity leaves), the job I dreamed of having, the job I never had any intention of leaving.

Did it change? Did I change? A bit of both, I think. For decades, I have been ruggedly proud of my career. Of doing whatever it takes to get the story on. Of working odd hours, weird times--all for the sake of TV JOURNALISM.

But that's all changed. The kidlets, most certainly, have made me realize what really is important (without sounding like a cliche). Also, though, the business changed. It became a business, for real. No more "Just go". Instead, how do we cover the story with no crews?

So I'm making the change. Moving into academia. I've done TV for almost 25 years, I can teach it now. Starting out as an adjunct. Already, though, I am more excited about the possibilities than I have been about TV in awhile. I always liked school--liked the exchange of ideas and the chance just to learn something new.

Oh, I know that no job is perfect and I'm sure I will miss the hustle and bustle of the newsroom--and breaking news. But I think, I know this is the right move for me and the right time to make it.

God help me.

Construction begins!!

I am so excited--I can barely contain myself! There is a GIANT hole next to my house, and soon it will contain our new addition. A very nice 4000 square feet of SPACE. For THINGS. And CLOSETS. And STORAGE.
Space for my babies to grow. Space for my books to live. Space for my clothes not to be crammed together. Space for me to go and be alone when I need to be. The latter being (almost) the most important of all...

Happy Fall!

I have so much to say, so why can't I get it posted? beats me. I guess I'm having my life, not writing about it. Which is OK, but I don't want to forget so much.
Jake turns 5 on Thursday. Yes, 5. He's halfway through his first decade. Holy crap. It's amazing... unbelievable... awesome. All wrapped up together! This past Friday, he was sick and I kept him home. He asked if we "could just have a special day together"... it was so wonderful! We went to the zoo, the mall and Griendly's. My big boy, full of wonder!

Phoebe is also an amazingly wonderful girl. She's getting more and more words, and has such a sparkly personality! Right now, bubble is her favorite word. She also yells "DOWN" when she sees Regen... and she loves to grab my hand and drag me to wherever she wants me to be.

I am such a lucky mom!

Growing up...too fast?

The kidlets are maturing at an amazing rate, and it's both scary and wonderful to see. The sibling relationship is developing and I have high hopes for success.

Jake played so nicely with Phoebe on Saturday! When she woke up from her nap she was a bit cranky. He started blowing raspberries on her tummy, making her giggle--a sound I just can't get enough of! She looks at him with such happiness and love, and he loves to make her happy too. Later Jake and I were playing tag on the bed and Phoebe wanted to get up and play too. Jake folded her right into our game and we all laughed and rolled on the bed and had just a great time! At the playground, Jake got onto the tire swing. Of course, Phoebe wanted to be on it too--Jake said "put her on the other side Mommy!" I sat her down and Jake put his legs on either side of her, then leaned over and put his hands over hers on the chain so she wouldn't fall off. I swung them around and both just laughed and laughed. Truly a golden moment I will savor forever in my mind...

Phoebe is quite the big girl now, walking everywhere and she's developing a devilish grin that just melts me... When we go to the pool Jake has to carry his toys inside, especially his swim ring. Saturday, Jake grabbed his ring and before I could grab Phoebe's, she had picked it up and was toddling towards the pool! She was so proud of herself for carrying her toy, and I was so proud of her too! Honestly the cutest thing you ever want to see... then as we were leaving I was carrying stuff to the car, and I looked behind me and she was right there with the biggest smile on her face--so proud to be following Mommy.

Each day, my heart seems to grow fuller and fuller. Watching them, playing with them, hugging and kissing them... my babies are my heart, my joy and my soul. Thank you God for giving them to me!

Saturday with the Kidlets

Saturdays in our household tend towards the chaotic. I get home from work around noon, make lunch, and try to keep two active kidlets occupied. This week, Daddy had a run-in with poison ivy and was on the couch with his eye swollen shut.

I headed out with Jake and Phoebe so Daddy could rest a little bit. First stop--drop off teenage babysitter. Second stop--head to Costco to pick up cake for colleague's retirement party. Third stop--the dollar store!

First stop went well. Second stop, we got the cake and a watermelon--no problem. Then of course we needed some lunch. OK, 1 adult, 2 kids. Shouldn't a large slice of pizza, a hot dog, a soda, a yogurt cup and a berry sundae be, well, ENOUGH? Not with these kids!

Jake ate the hot dog, Mommy got 1 bite. Jake ate some pizza. Phoebe ate pizza. Mommy got 4 bites. Jake ate yogurt, sharing with Phoebe. Mommy attempted to eat berry sundae, but Phoebe yelled every time I tried to get some in my mouth.

Then as we leave Costco--the skies OPENED up. From the door to the parking lot, I got drenched. Soaked. Kids were yelling about being wet. I packed them into the car, and jumped in myself, feeling like a wet dog. But as we headed towards home, the rain stopped. So we went to the third stop--dollar store! I didn't find what I needed, but kidlets did. As we walked out of the store--the sky was turning BLACK. As in I was a bit concerned about our safety! We raced home as the thunder started and made it inside before part 2 of sky-opening.

The rest of the afternoon was spent inside with a monsoon pouring down. And 2 kidlets who REALLY wanted to go outside. Finally we walked the dog around 6:30, then dinner and bed.

And hey! get to do it all again today.

Blessings

So I just keep getting more bad news. But I don't want to focus on that because bad begets bad. Instead, I am resolving to focus on my blessings.

Jake and Phoebe are the number one, simultaneous, wonderful and perfect blessings in my life. I am so fortunate to have them and THAT is what I need to remember. Their joy, their love, their happiness need to be paramount in my brain. Not the b.s. of my job--which exists so I can support them.

My husband Steve is also a blessing. Despite my frustration, he truly is a good father, companion and friend. There really isn't anyone else I want to spend the rest of my life with!

My good heart is a blessing. Even with all that has happened, I am still resolute in my belief that people are basically good. The world has been trying to prove me wrong, but I refuse to go along with it.

My good health is a blessing. Years of sleep abuse notwithstanding--my body continues to function well and keep me happy. I keep promising it that I will be nicer and finally get enough sleep, but until then the ol' body is performing well.

My parents and brother are blessings. They love me, support me and have full confidence in my abilities to do anything I set my mind to.

My friends are blessings to me. They have shoulders to lean on, ears to listen and arms to hold in good times and bad.

All in all, life is a blessing and God has blessed me with so much. I have to keep these thoughts firmly in my mind and not fall victim to self-pity or other destructive tendencies.

Hooray for Summer!

I cannot believe how excited I am for summer! The pool is open and the fun is beginning. I don't think I have been this excited since I was about 15... that was the last time that I truly looked forward to summer. The last time summer was ahead of me as an almost endless stretch of time, full of warmth and promise and freedom.

After that summer, I was thinking ahead to college and to "real life". Of course once I graduated, summer became just another season. Even when it was just Jake, somehow summer didn't have the thrill that it does now. Last year with a newborn, I was just glad to know if it was day or night. But that changed.

I think yesterday at the pool really brought it home. We visited a friend's pool for a few hours, then went to our community pool. Jake and Phoebe had such fun! And so did I--from the smell of the sunscreen, the hint of chlorine, the bright sunshine, the great splashes, the towels, the pool snacks... it all suddenly came together and helped me recapture the joy I used to have in summer.

The coolest thing is that summer never really went away. It was hanging out and waiting for me to rediscover it in the faces, voices and actions of my 2 water babies!